II. Backround
A. According to reputable statistics five out of
every ten marriges ocouring in America will end in bitter conflict and
divorce.
1. This is tragic and especially since many who claim to be Christians
are also included in those statistics.
B. But have you ever wondered what happens to the
other five? Do they sail blissfully into the sunset and live
" happily everafter."
1. According to clinical psychologist Neil Warren, all five will stay together
for a lifetime, but in varying degrees of disharmony. Only one two will
acheive the " intimacy" in their relationship that God planned and wants
for them.
C. The following article by Paul Earnhart will serve
well as an introduction.
"Marriage is not an object to be admired or an idea to be wondered
at, it is a practical social institution designed by God to meet certain
created human needs. It is a provisional of God, given to bless and fufill
the longings of HIS creatures.
" But if that is truly the case, how do we explain the living, breathing
tragedy that most marriges have become in our twentieth century world?
Not by pointing to the complexity of our modern social and economic enviroment.
The secret of our failures in marrige does not lie anywhere outside
our own hearts and the choices we have made. Does this seem
to dim the prospects for improvment? It ought to do the very opposite.
Our ability to alter our circumstances is very limited, but we have absolute
control over our attitudes. We may not be able change our enviroment, but
we can certainly change our values.
" There are millions of
married couples in today's world who are filled with hurt, anger, and
despair, and who see no solution to their missery but the divorce
courts. Experience teaches me that there are marriages among Christians
which are charecteruzed by a grinding sense of hopless resignation
to a relationship that no longer yields eithier joy or blessing. The seemingly
endless demand for more books on marriage reveals that a lot of these unhappy
couples, in the church and out, are looking for help rather than escape.
God's answer is that there is not only hope, there is absolute hope!
" The marriage problem of
our times is a sin problem. That may sound simplistic, but
marriage is a human relationship, and there is nothing that can devastate
a human relationship like a sin. At the heart of sin is a concern for
self and at the heart of every warrm, loving and profound human relationship
is a concern for the other. Marriage, like all social ties, cannot flourish
until the participants find a higher love than the one they usually aspire
to. What a marriage parteners need in order to love one another is to lover
love God. And repent of an awful lot of rebellion and pride and
selfishness (Luke 15:18). And how can we love God if we will not love as
HE loves, graciously, patiantly, concern always for what he deserves? This
kind of love is not a feeling of the heart which comes unbidden
and unsought, to others regardless of what they deserve or how they behave
toward us.
" The greatest marriage
manuel that has ever been written is the Bible, not because it adresses
itself excluseve to the subject, but because it speaks to the needs of
sinful men and the wicked attitudes that have destroyed our relatonship
with God and polluted our relationship with others including, most tragically
our own marriage parteners. If we would draw nearer to our husbands and
wives, then let us draw nnearer to God.
" What then succeding articles
are saying to us is that marriages are falling because the individuals
in them are failing to be Christ-like in attitude, and that when those
attitudes are changed, there is every reason to believe that we can build
a secure, loving, and wonderfully rewarding relationship in our marriages.
" But, it is objected, my
partener and I have lost all affection and desire for one another. How
can you rekindle a marriage that is dead?! The selfless love of commitment
has the oower to make friends of enemies and lovers of strangers (Genises
24:64-67). But, says another, I am the only one who cares; how can one
person rebuild a shattered relationship? It is strange for Christians to
ask that question. We certainly did not care when Jesus went on patiently
loving us, giving up his own life for our sakes. The Lord has obliously
not succeeded with all, butHe has succeeded with us; maybe we can succeed
with our mates (marriage counselers say so). How will we know unless we
try?
" Marriage will work wonderfully
well we decide to be the kind of people that god wants us to be. Then we
can have all this, ans heaven too." (via Christianity Magazine, vol. 5
No. 5)
D. Each of us should give much prayer and
meditation to this important subject. Marriage was God's idea, He designed
it for our blessing and happiness. The relationship we would like to have
can happen, but not by accident. Thge truly successful and happy
marriage will only happe as we learn to immitate Christ, let His
attitude rule our hearts and show the same love and concern for our partener
has for us.
I. Myth's:
A. Martial weakness should be pin pointed and fixed.
B. Fun can wait
C. Warning signs of a troubled marriage are easy
to spot.
D. Good sex makes a good marriage
E. The real strength of a marriage is based
on emotional and financial security.
F. Being a good husband or wife comes natural.
G. The longer you live together the easier it is.
H. It takes both parteners to save a marriage.
I. The longer we are married the less we enjoy each
other.
J. Divorce without remmarriage is always an option
II. Potholes:
A. Hiding from intimacy- avoiding your spouse.
B. Confiding in others- fantasize about an affair.
C. Constantly think of your mates faults and don't
reconize their good traits.
D. No time for Bible study and prayer.
E. Stop cultaviting common interest.
F. Taking one another for granted
G. Telovision: channel hoggers and hoppers
H. Singular point of view
I. Expecting your mate to read your mind.